i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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