my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
