So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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