I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
