If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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