Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  one two three fourrrrnication!

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  (650): one two three fourrrrnication! http://tfl.nu/2jpj
  Replies (4) Good night (3757) Bad night (685)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer

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  (267): My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer http://tfl.nu/qmj6
  Replies (102) Good night (1413) Bad night (3827)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."

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  (203): So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm." http://tfl.nu/f62k
  Replies (19) Good night (3665) Bad night (966)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".

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  (705): You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this". http://tfl.nu/puns
  Replies (39) Good night (8455) Bad night (877)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!

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  (864): A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier! http://tfl.nu/9qgj
  Replies (107) Good night (2014) Bad night (5758)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.

  (786): View more from Florida

  that would mean it's on tape

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  (804): i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately. (804): i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof. (786): that would mean it's on tape http://tfl.nu/zipf
  Replies (6) Good night (3962) Bad night (987)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.

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  (703): like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it. http://tfl.nu/vg3u
  Replies (22) Good night (6224) Bad night (1410)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ...... wtf.

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  (816): Where'd you guys get the alcohol from? (1-816): Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower. (816): ...... wtf. http://tfl.nu/k9gx
  Replies (25) Good night (7387) Bad night (1226)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.

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  (937): The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15. http://tfl.nu/cktg
  Replies (24) Good night (1300) Bad night (4338)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home

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  (217): i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home http://tfl.nu/a1xk
  Replies (3) Good night (971) Bad night (483)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth

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  (402): Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth http://tfl.nu/4hkn
  Replies (16) Good night (747) Bad night (3447)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao

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  (201): For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao http://tfl.nu/eyan
  Replies (7) Good night (862) Bad night (456)
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.

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  (787): Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now. http://tfl.nu/rhtn
  Replies (6) Good night (786) Bad night (513)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?

  (303): View more from Colorado

  That depends, how hot is your boss?

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  (720): Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am? (303): That depends, how hot is your boss? http://tfl.nu/3abd
  Replies (5) Good night (933) Bad night (373)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.

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  (604): Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day. http://tfl.nu/pwtj
  Replies (0) Good night (336) Bad night (482)

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