She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.