So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
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I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
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I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?