Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS