Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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