There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
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Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
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Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got