Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.