He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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