I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
