omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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