I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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