so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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