I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
