They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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