Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
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i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
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Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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