Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
So squirting runs in the family.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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