look no pants
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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