is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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