I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
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I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
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The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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