yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
