he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
