Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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