i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
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hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
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You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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