Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
