If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
