Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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