The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
