So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
