there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
