last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
