Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
