how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
