Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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