VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
