Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
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Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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