Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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