the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
