So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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