I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
