I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
