I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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