he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
only you would photoshop your dick
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
