Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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