God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
