nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
