i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
