I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Even my vagina gasped.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
