i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
