so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
