The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
