I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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