I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
