two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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