Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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