I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
