So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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