oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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