guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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