How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
