I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Enjoy the penises
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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