True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
