drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
