But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
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Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
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How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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