Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
