dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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