he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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