I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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