You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
