My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
