the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think I died a long time ago.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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