I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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