As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
