Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
