I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
