my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
