I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
