I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
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In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
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You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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